Bill Hicks is a huge influence. I love him.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

Oh, I usually pray in Spanish, speak French to my boyfriend, curse in Dutch, and talk German to my German Shepherd

I have played some of the great men in history and I believe in the great man who does heroic deeds, even in these egalitarian times.

I am trying to teach my children to feel a responsibility for their fellow human beings and a sense of connection with ... the world around them.

America can't succeed unless you succeed. That is why I am running for president of the United States.

Complaining is good for you as long as you're not complaining to the person you're complaining about.

A hypochondriac is one who has a pill for everything except what ails him.

We want property, but property restored to its proper limits, that is to say, free distribution of the products of labour, property minus usury!

If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.

Do you think there is any other means of achieving progress except through Rajas?

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.