Bill Clinton may in fact be moving back into the White House. And coincidentally I'm thinking about moving back into my mother's house.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.

I set a high standard for myself.

In the draws the smoke coming off the ground like mist and the thin black trees burning on the slopes like heathen candles.

To what do you attribute your advanced age? Well I suppose I must attribute it to the fact that I have not died.

I think as an American society, when we're paying too many taxes or dealing with war, we don't want to see sad things at the movies.

I think it's important that there is a change, especially in fashion. I'm pleased to be part of a 'new breed' of models who perhaps don't exactly fit the status quo.

A Catholic may sin and sin as badly as anyone else, but no genuine Catholic ever denies he is a sinner. A Catholic wants his sins forgiven - not excused or sublimated.

A historian may be an artist too, and a novelist is a historian, the preserver, the keeper, the expounder, of human experience.

You don't smoke do you?" "No, why?" "They're afraid of fire." "Great, we're going to be eaten alive because neither of us smokes." I almost laughed. He sounded so thoroughly disgusted.

The secret of making progress is to get started.