Being your own man does not mean taking advantage of anyone else.

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.

Being a comedian is like being a con man. You have to make 'em like you before you can fool 'em.

Violence is a tool of the ignorant.

Funny is an attitude.

Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

My main point is to be funny; if I can slip a message in there, fine.

When you're hot, you're hot; when you're not, you're not.

Don't order one for the road, because the road is already laid out.

My show is my statement. What I have to say is on the screen. My life is my own. I don't want to talk about my private self. Why should I?

What if one thing resonates with everybody, but it's not the same for anybody?

I don't think that because you die and move on to somewhere else that you lose your sense of humor.

Words that are not spoken are much more powerful than words that are spoken in unbelief.

... I have always fallen for ads. The sweetheart of J. Walter Thompson, I have a peasant-like belief in whatever miracle they profess to effect.

'I will not stand for being called a woman in my own house' she said.

Given that external reality is a fiction, the writer's role is almost superfluous. He does not need to invent the fiction because it is already there.

Ev'n wit's a burthen, when it talks too long.

You can't be afraid to fail because that's when you learn.

Because of 'The Birds' and 'Marnie' I was, as the expression goes, hot in Hollywood and producers and directors wanted to hire me.

With considerable soul searching, that to the utmost of my ability, I have let truth be the prejudice.