Bad news, it's going to be a huge environmental disaster, the oil rig down there in the Gulf of Mexico. The good news is they think now that the oil spill will be diluted by the melting ice caps.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Start planning from your internal or spiritual view of things. The external view always has a way of distorting, discouraging and limiting your dream.

I was somewhere between angry and turned-on.

Cale! Have you had a female in here?”Calic laughed carelessly. “Depends on when you're referring to.

Any ceremony performed in the absence of reasonable knowledge as to cause and effect is magic.

And if you should survive to 105 Look at all you'll derive out of being alive. Then here is the best part You have a head start If you are among the very young at heart.

I'd say that Spanish football is probably the best I've seen.

The contemporary thing in art and literature is the thing which doesn't make enough difference to the people of that generation so that they can accept it or reject it.

I am frightened at seeing all the footprints directed towards thy den, and none returning.

You will never change anything that you are willing to tolerate.

The novelists of the nineteeth century had all the luck. They had a huge and easily pleased public and the world they surveyed had every appearance of permanence.