Back when we started this show, the hottest program on television was 'Keeping Up With the Gabors.'

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

The special trait making me an anarch is that I live in a world which I ‘ultimately’ do not take seriously. This increases my freedom

Discipline and united action are the real source of strength for the nation.

Publishers like a good buzz, and negative responses sell books just as well as positive ones.

Marriage is one of the most difficult things in the world and unfortunately sometimes they fail.

A desperate disease requires a dangerous remedy.

God himself took a day to rest in, and a good man's grave is his Sabbath.

Women have more to prove than men when it comes to politics.

For me, personally, it is very important that the days are exactly the same, so I have routines. I do the same thing every day.

The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that ain't so.

I've just never been the kind of actor that things have stayed with. I've never needed to carry a character off stage.