All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

The true poem rests between the words.

Nothing is there when you're not here.So love yourself and take great care.

War must never be a condition but, rather, a temporary scourge which we suffer as a child does a fever, knowing that health follows the long night of pain and that peace is health.

There's nothing quite so stultifying as having someone around who has all the answers-and gives them to you.

No one should judge what I've done with my life, not unless they've been in my shoes every horrible day and every sleepless night.

When educating horses there is no greater maxim than slow is fast and fast is slow.

There can be no excess to love, none to knowledge, none to beauty.

You'd be hard pressed to find more drama in 'Days of Our Lives' than you do in an average job each day.

If rationality were the criterion for things being allowed to exist, the world would be one gigantic field of soya beans!

It must be the body. It's chiseled out of marshmallows.