2 Guys in a health club, one is putting on pantyhose. "Since when do you wear pantyhose?" "Since my wife found it in the glove compartment!"

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Life doesn´t come with any guarantees. You have to risk it to get the biscuit." - The Alchemist, Paulo Cohelo -

And time for reflection with colleagues is for me a lifesaver it is not just a nice thing to do if you have the time. It is the only way you can survive.

Lift up your eyes. The heavenly Father waits to bless you - in inconceivable ways to make your life what you never dreamed it could be.

To just write one song to then go and play huge festivals all around the world it's exciting and it's never really been the case.

The most supreme beauty is that of the feminine; the source of all creativity. Even in my greatest despair, that realization alone restores my faith in God.

By getting as close to the true idea of religion, of spirituality as it is possible for us to get.. ...we would be in possession of the only tangible relationship tot the deity in things.

It’s Adrian Ivashkov logic. Don’t try to understand it. Just roll with it.

Silence is like nightfall. Objects are lost in it insensibly.

I'm one of the biggest introverts you could ever meet.

Creativity is an area in which younger people have a tremendous advantage, since they have an endearing habit of always questioning past wisdom and authority.