Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

Better never than late.

Women like a man with a past, but they prefer a man with a present

He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.

Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.

He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

Don't take life too seriously.

Remember the poor, it costs nothing.

Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us dies

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

Her skin was white as leprosy.

A person who can laugh and go with life does not demand to be in control, which is why the most controlling people may be sarcastic but lack an authentic sense of humor.

When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

He has such a patronizing tone and manner, and such a sarcastic sense of humor. I found him rather brutal, a kind of elegant brutality which appealed. No, I think he came pretty much off the page.

I have only one ambition left: I should like to have a good epitaph.

He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him.

Men marry because they are tired; women, because they are curious; both are disappointed.

Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?

Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.

I buy expensive suits - they just look cheap on me.

My natural-born sarcasm, when it's unimpeded, can be a bit overbearing at times and I'm the first to admit that.

I'm a woman of very few words, but lots of action.

Liberals are very broadminded: they are always willing to give careful consideration to both sides of the same side

How do you feel about women's rights? I like either side of them.

Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.

I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

It's strange that men should take up crime when there are so many legal ways to be dishonest.

His face is livid, gaunt his whole body, his breath is green with gall; his tongue drips poison.

He is brilliant - to the top of his boots.

I've no time for broads who want to rule the world alone. Without men, who'd do up the zipper on the back of your dress?

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

Experts say that Iraq may have nuclear weapons. That's bad news - they may have a nuclear bomb. Now the good news is that they have to drop it with a camel.

German in the most extravagantly ugly language - it sounds like someone using a sick bag on a 747.

Well, I think we ought to let him hang there. Let him twist slowly, slowly in the wind.

Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.

If there's anything disgusting about the movie business, it's the whoredom of my peers.

His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it.

The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions.

If you are patient...and wait long enough...Nothing will happen

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.