Jokes Quotes

A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.

We feel that what's too far is when you make a joke and somebody gets hurt.

I try to exist in a world where there is freedom of opinion, where you're allowed to make jokes. I don't want to live in some PC world where no-one's allowed to say anything.

I just don't get if you have ever gotten offended by a joke, why would you go to a comedy club? That's where jokes happen.

I don't know how to write jokes from the point of view of a six-foot-two guy. So, I'll always talk about it, but I just don't want it to be the absolute focus of all of my act.

Everyone just wants to hear the exact jokes that apply to them and want to - everyone wants a perfectly crafted joke for them.

My joke about Aaron Sorkin is that The West Wing was a great show about democracy, run by Kim Jong-Il!

We have to laugh at how hard life can be and how screwed up we can be at times... It's a really freeing process when you're not hitting the jokes too hard.

I'm an actor. I've always been an actor. I've always approached all my comedy as an actor. I don't really care about jokes either. I tire of jokes.

Even the people who do great jokes, [it's] always coming out of a very real place.

I do a few jokes about the economy but from an everyday person perspective. People like to laugh, and they especially like to laugh during difficult circumstances.

I don't take jokes from other people. It's really not cool to steal jokes from anybody. It's not cool to steal anything from anybody. Jokes are no different.

It's hard to program a computer to make jokes. The brain needs to do something here; the brain needs to come up with something bizarre to make something funny.

The funnest jokes for me to tell are the ones that are the newest. So I'm just constantly motivated to keep my eyes and ears open and have new stuff.

I don't do too many jokes about current affairs, because almost every comedian always does that.

As an actor, it's always fun when you're able to feel like there's freedom to explore things and try out jokes and be funny.

For jokes as well as justice come in with speech.

I think when people watch a lot of artists, they're expecting this showiness, and I'm cracking jokes with people. I'm heckling back. I'm interacting.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.

You can't just explain a joke. Either it isn't funny, or the person just totally missed the punchline.

With stand-up, there's a little bit of an exaggerated reality because things have to be manipulated to create comedy, to create jokes.

If you do a joke that's really old, then what happens is people on Reddit and Twitter just go, 'Real original, you're just doing old jokes!' But bands do it all the time.

I had always been - everybody kind of likes comedy. I was very interested in comedy, beyond just liking it. I had friends that took apart radios; I wanted to take apart jokes.

I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

I was feeling guilty in the beginning; it was frustrating to be successful when a lot of my friends weren't. Also, I was constantly being reminded of that by people in my family making jokes.

Senator John Kerry is in trouble for making a joke about soldiers being uneducated. As a result, Kerry promised to stop making jokes and stick to boring people.

Personally, I hope he doesn't get out of the campaign. I need Rick Perry. I don't want to spend the next year trying to do jokes about Mitt Romney.

The difference between a broadcaster and a host is that a host tells stories and dumb jokes, but a broadcaster can articulate deeper like, you know - things and stuff.

I know that's not the right accent, but I can't do the right accent. It's either the wrong accent or another Octomom joke.

... nothing broke my heart like the slow death of a shared joke that had once seemed genuinely funny.

The best jokes on The Leftovers are the ones that make you feel a little sick to your stomach.

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

I have been sober for the longest time. Oh, it's over a decade now. No joke.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

I could never do stand-up because it's that thing of having to get up on stage. And out of every 10 jokes you tell, nine of them have to get a really good response.

People write a lot of similar material. That's why I try to come up with the most absurd jokes.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes.

I'm a joke comic. I tell jokes. I like writing a joke, and I like when a joke works, and I like other comics who tell jokes.

Jerry Seinfeld, he was doing Letterman show all the time, so he kind of had an excuse, that people know the jokes already. He didn't have time to do stand-up. A guy like me, I have no excuses.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

I don't do any jokes that old. I might have maybe one or two jokes from high school that I still do.

I want to tell my jokes. I want to have time with my children. I want to entertain people. And at one point, I'll walk away from show business. But I don't want to walk away empty-handed.

I love telling stories, telling jokes, making people laugh. Ive got no plans to stop doing it.

You can't just yell jokes at people.

I still think that, hopefully, you're not ahead of the jokes, and I think that has value. There is a punchline and it's pointed - and, again, whether you think it's funny or not, that's subjective.

I've never written jokes. I mean, I'll write things on a piece of paper and riff on them onstage.

I just often find myself getting shrill, angry and the jokes get more incredulous.