Humour Quotes
Beppu (n.)The triumphant slamming shut of a book after reading the final page.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
Enjolras caught glimpses of a luminous uprising under the dark skirts of the future.
Aberystwyth (n.)A nostalgic yearning which is in itself more pleasant than the thing being yearned for.
Well I won't argue about the matter. You always want to argue about things.That is exactly what things were originally made for.
I should fancy, however, that murder is always a mistake. One should never do anything that one cannot talk about after dinner.
It is not that I believe that there are too many idiots in this world, just that lightning isn't distributed right.
Colonel Talbot? he is a very disagreeable person, to be sure. He looks as if he thought no Scottish woman worth the trouble of handing her a cup of tea.
This is flight 121 to Los Angeles. If your travel plans today do not include Los Angeles, now would be the perfect time to disembark.
There's nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.
. . . confirmed libertines don't reform until they're tired . . .
For my part, I am determined never to speak of it again to anybody. I told my sister Phillips so the other day.
Life, ” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.
Indeed, it may most verily be saidThat only death and taxes certain are.
YOU are the big drop of dew under the lotus leaf, I am the smaller one on its upper side, 'said the dewdrop to the lake.
In some company it’s perfectly all right to prick your finger, but very bad form to finger your prick.
The main reception foyer was almost empty but Ford nevertheless weaved his way through it.
Howl howl gargle howl gargle howl howl howl gargle howl gargle howl howl gargle gargle howl gargle gargle gargle howl slurrp uuuurgh should have a good time. Message repeats.
On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.
It's the oasis, " said the camel driver."Well, why don't we go there right now?" the boy asked."Because we have to sleep.
All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
Could be. I’m a pretty dangerous dude when I’m cornered.”“Yeah, ” said the voice from under the table, “you go to pieces so fast people get hit by the shrapnel.
Candide, who trembled like a philosopher, hid himself as well as he could during this heroic butchery.
She had spears of straw and grass in her hair, not like Ophelia gone mad through contact with Hamlet's madness, but because she had slept in some stable loft.
On the other hand, she was disproportionately indulgent towards the failings of men, and was often heard to say that these were natural.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.
What's so unpleasant about being drunk?""Ask a glass of water!
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.The one that's out always looks the best
Yes, sir, there are things to see and do on the French Riviera without spending money.
Do you hate people?”“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.
Lady Bracknell, I hate to seem inquisitive, but would you kindly inform me who I am?
LORD ILLINGWORTH: The soul is born old but grows young. That is the comedy of life.MRS ALLONBY: And the body is born young and grows old. That is life's tragedy.
God in his infinite wisdomDid not make me very wise-So when my actions are stupidThey hardly take God by surprise.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
If you can identify humor in problems then you will have less difficulties in solving them... Most importantly, "you should be able to laugh on yourself".
Correct the blunders on your face made through self-delusion – this would be far more fitting than to want to teach me, which is just as if a sow trying to teach Minerva.
First I was decayed, I was putrefied. Kept thinking I could never live on, now that I had died...
