Humour Quotes
The other one was filled with loud and obnoxious tourists. Always boasting on winning a sand castle competition and seeing who could get tanned first. What a whacky bunch of people.
Shocked my old friend from China, Deja Vu, when I turned up at his door without notice.
I don't know if you've ever been covered head to toe in prickle bush, but let me tell you, it's not a pleasant experience, as I'm sure you can imagine.
Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.
If you want the extra-ordinary, you've got to be willing to forsake the ordinary' - Annie Grimes in Mr Alhourani's Dead Man's Spots
Our friend Chewy doesn’t speak much, but he chews a lot of tobacco so we call him Chewbacco.
Foolish potato, talking to her like that won’t work. You’ve got to be mean and show off your foil-wrapped rigidity.
Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.
Nonsense, this is my home and I must defend it. It’s time for Santa to get serious.
Women in love are patheticand I cannot be bothered, for now, I am back to metaphysicsand my armpits gather hair.
If Beyoncé Knowles and Miley Cyrus represent the latest branch of feminism, then surely the male-dominated power elite must be aroused with concern.
Lord Emsworth belonged to the people-like-to-be-left-alone-to-amuse-themselves-when-they-come-to-a-place school of hosts
The public thinks big, sensible, measured thoughts while people run around doing silly things
If you say it very softly, with a smile, you can get away with saying almost anything, even the truth.
Or should I say that he is like the hand that is able to scratch your itchy parts with the perfect amount of strength!
Shit happens. You can either stand their and complain about the smell or you can wipe your shoe and keep walking.
Thanks for not trying to see me when I looked like hell.”“To be fair, you still look pretty bad.
Sometimes the walk to the doctors is a better cure than the medicine you receive
Jacob glanced across at the woman. 'She'd have you for breakfast, mate.''Yeah, ' Luca countered, 'maybe I want to be had for breakfast.
Jake's in trouble.'Luca rolled his eyes. 'What now?''He's gone off somewhere, I think I know where, and I don't think it's good.''Cant that boy ever stay in and watch telly like the rest of us?
Someone will complete you some day and that day will never be late. Those nouns and verbs are above wonderful and never ending .
I BELIEVE EVERYONE IS SPECIAL . . . BUT SOME PEOPLE THINK . . . . IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF SAYING NO-ONE IS
Sadie gave her head an exaggerated scratch. ‘Don’t come too close if you know what’s good for you, these nits are on steroids.
It's just...how do I put this? Maybe it's just hard for me to imagine turning down something that's so much harder for someone like me to find.
Grandma's house had the atmosphere of a Tupperware box left out in the sun. Like a tropical flower, she had to be kept warm and moist at all times, or she would wilt and die.
I've never been able to grow an organ back, " Lana said. "Last time I tried... Let's just hope you don't end up with whip eyes.
Women who seek advice from single women about getting a man is like asking a homeless man how to be rich.
In politics no permanent friends, no permanent enemies but permanent interest.
First I was decayed, I was putrefied. Kept thinking I could never live on, now that I had died...
Correct the blunders on your face made through self-delusion – this would be far more fitting than to want to teach me, which is just as if a sow trying to teach Minerva.
Of course I began to see Nikki, which was strange because I was staring into Danny's eyes, and Danny is a six-foot-three black man who looks nothing like my ex-wife.
To neglect ones own ability to laugh is the greatest form of Blasphemy, for to laugh is to pray.
I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.
On a supra human level, yeah, I got That Which Is. Yet on a simple human level, rare are times when either my left or my right foot is not in some kind of shit.
Humans, left to own misguided devices, scratches the Divine in the self as one would the lice, but remember to lick well all the vices.
If you can identify humor in problems then you will have less difficulties in solving them... Most importantly, "you should be able to laugh on yourself".
If there's anything worse in this world than a bad batch of babi guling, it's hindsight.
I don´t listen to hoax or rumours, but I like a good sense of humour. If you are wrong, be wise, apologize. Otherwise, be kind and rewind. Gone with the wind...
Colorful characters are the odd shaped pieces that fill the holes in life's puzzle.
Marcus looked down. “Ah, man! This was my favorite shirt. Who tore it?” he asked, trying to pull the ragged edges together.
Her hair was pulled back so severely, it would have won approval from the Spanish Inquisition as a method of torture.
The good thing about the aristocracy – German or English – was that they were easily traced, Mirabelle thought.
Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you.”“Because any other female would!