Humor Quotes
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.
I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride - where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation.
There is one other reason for dressing well, namely that dogs respect it, and will not attack you in good clothes.
If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor.
Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness.
Statuettes of drunken sailors, velvet pictures of island maidens, plastic seashell lamps made in Taiwan. What contempt the people who think up souvenirs have for other people.
I am starting to talk fast now, and I have to remember to slow down because when I get excited, I start to sound like myself and my American accent goes away.
The scientist believes in proof without certainty, the bigot in certainty without proof.
All depression has its roots in self-pity, and all self-pity is rooted in people taking themselves too seriously.
How could I be sleeping with this particular man.... Surely only true love could justify my lack of taste.
Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.
A hero without faults is like an omelet without little bits of eggshell in it.
If there was anything that depressed him more than his own cynicism, it was that quite often it still wasn't as cynical as real life.
In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.
Find 100 reasons to laugh. You are bound to feel better, you will cope with problems more effectively and people will enjoy being around you. Besides unhappiness, what do you have to lose?
Humor (is) the process that allows one to brush reality aside when it gets too distressing.
If the story-tellers could ha' got decency and good morals from true stories, who'd have troubled to invent parables?
Some folks rail against other folks, because other folks have what some folks would be glad of.
Of all the trees we could've hit, we had to get one that hits back.
The tune was wailing and mournful, almost flagrantly so, and the total effect was of a heartbroken piccolo being parted forever from its bagpipe lover.
You deal with mythological stuff for a few years, you learn that paradises are usually places where you get killed.
People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but *actually* from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint - it's more like a big ball of wibbly wobbly... time-y wimey... stuff.
I hated sports. I hated sports, and I hated people who played them, and I hated people who watched them, and I hated people who didn't hate people who watched or played them.
If you want to go foraging into the wilds of Canada without proper gear, you deserve what you get, even if that happens to include being attacked by an undead moose.
Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth.
He'd been wrong, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and it was a flamethrower.
Astriola. That IS demon pox. You had evidence that demon pox existed and you didnt mention it to me! Et tu, Brute!' He rolled up the paper and hit Jem over the head with it.
Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But, that would be called canibalism. It is looked down upon in most societies.
I felt like one of Apollo's sacred cows- slow, dumb, and bright red.
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
I love to sleep. Do you? Isn't it great? It really is the best of both worlds. You get to be alive and unconscious.