Humor Quotes
To call that writing, madam, is an insult to quills and ink across the world.
The house smelled musty and damp, and a little sweet, as if it were haunted by the ghosts of long-dead cookies.
Had that poor Reilly kook really been proud of Levy Pants? He had always said that he was. That was one good sign of his insanity.
As my father always used to tell me, 'You see, son, there's always someone in the world worse off than you.' And I always used to think, 'So?
Nothing gives you confidence like being a member of a small, weirdly specific, hard-to-find demographic.
Death, taxes and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them.
How about "diamonds are a girl's best friends"? Nope. It should be switched around and pointed out, instead, that your best friends are diamonds.
There's no trouble in this world so serious that it can't be cured with a hot bath, a glass of whiskey, and the Book of Common Prayer.
The Amulet of Samarkand. It was Simon Lovelace's. Now it is yours. Soon it will be Simon Lovelace's again. Take it and enjoy the consequences.
Nothing is so common-place as to wish to be remarkable.
Whitney Houston’s cover of “I Will Always Love You” was constantly on my FM Walkman radio around that time. I think that made me cry because I associated it with absolutely no one.
Oh, Wax has always been solemn, but when he's at his best, there's a smirk underneath.
Rules and school are tools for fools! I don't give two mules for rules.
When things are at their blackest, I say to myself, 'Cheer up, things could be worse.' And sure enough, they get worse.
A lecture has been well described as the process whereby the notes of the teacher become the notes of the student without passing through the mind of either.
Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!
There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
Kids. You gotta love them. I adore children. A little salt, a squeeze of lemon--perfect.
There's only one person who needs a glass of water oftener than a small child tucked in for the night, and that's a writer sitting down to write.
There is nothing like scrubbing toilets for a living to make you question the choices you have made in life.
If you're right & I'm not, I'm going to be hell to live with, she said. So, you better think about that next time you want to be right.
If reassurances could dull pain, nobody would ever go to the trouble of pressing grapes.
Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.
On the whole, I think you should write biographies of those you admire and respect, and novels about human beings who you think are sadly mistaken.
This has to be the most self-centered thing I've ever said, but no, I think you just wanted to vex me.
I don't know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point.
The only really sane person in there is Igor, and possibly the turnip. And I'm not sure about the turnip.
Always watch where you are going. Otherwise, you may step on a piece of the Forest that was left out by mistake.
By the way, when you finish the bottle of Crown Royal, you can still use the pouch to hold your broken dreams.
And there was that poor sucker Flaubert rolling around on his floor for three days looking for the right word.
A recent survey or North American males found 42% were overweight, 34% were critically obese and 8% ate the survey.
I'm not bossy - I just happen to be more capable than most everyone else.
Every intelligent being, whether it breathes or not, coughs nervously at some time in its life.
When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled.
Happiness is being famous for your financial ability to indulge in every kind of excess.
