Craig Benzine Quotes

Blanket statements are always stupid. NO EXCEPTIONS!

During a heat wave every dude stinks.

Visiting Saturn sounds like a lot of fun but you will die!

It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform.

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

Cars and bumper cars are two very different things. NEVER sleep in a bumper car.

Nothing is perfect. Therefore, being perfect is being nothing… and that's a great way to lose weight.

The good thing about living like me is everywhere you go is a step up.

At one time or another, farts have coincided with every other sound, including this quote.

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

Theres nothing to fear but fears themselves, such as monsters, rejection, food poisoning, redundancy, monsters, and oxford commas.

I'd choose truth over cake but I'd try to find a way to get both to be honest.

The only good excuse for not succeeding is DEATH! Unless you're trying to be a ghost. Then it's LIFE!

Things that don't exist do exist. They're just really fast.

Everything is optional. Somethings are illegal. And some things are really gross.

Be cautious of bears at all times, even when being mauled by a tiger.

If you're gonna lob something, lob love.

Options are good. Keeps people choosing.

I love it when the coffee's done!

Always go to the bathroom before you ‘go’ to the bathroom.

Are imperfections is which make we grate.

People alive are better than people not alive.

It's better to have won & lost than to have won, stopped trying, & descended into alcoholism.

Never put a foot down in the middle of a foot rub.

Dont get scared of death. Get rich! Then die.

I would hate to be a bee. Be surrounded by bees all the time.

Based on this one experience I had, jumping to conclusions is always really stupid.

The grass is always greener when it's covered in money.

Time travel is awesome....And useful. That sentence had a typo when I typed it...The first time.