Humor Quotes

A demonic reaper asked to be my valentine and then killed his crazy ex-girlfriend to save my life. Tomorrow I was starting up antipsychotic meds.

Would any of you like to share your career aspirations within the class? Jim?I dunno, to be honest, I was just hoping to be able to keep the demons away...

The last time I checked, I didn't have any special talent, thought Kara.Can I paint a demon to death?Drown it in some gouache?

It was how it had been with the madman among the tombs, that their number was legion, far in excess at any rate if the number listed on the back of the door as the room's maximum occupancy.

But...he's a demon. Isn't that sort of the main category of Things to Smite?

I've never met a politician who didn't deserve to be tossed into a pit full of Kallin, " Beranabus grunts.

Shearwater sighed, like a whale in the night.

All we can hope for is that he will fall into the ocean with a bar of soap in his pocket.

I stare at Hans. Hans is shaped like an industrial-sized refrigerator. His hands are like cinder blocks.He should not be afraid of a little thing like the ocean.

If someone wanted to have a grudge against me, or didn't agree with my lifestyle, the way I breathed, the space I took up on this planet, they had an open door to 'report' to the powers that be.

Everything is, the way it is, for a reason. Or it isn't. Or neither. Or both. It's so hard to tell. It's so hard to tell you're a mile away by the Luke in your eye.

I Twitter (or Facebook) therefore I am

Life is brighter on the lighter side.

Let's make it flashy!

...the only thing that could justify your continuing existence on the planet would be if you started breathing carbon dioxide and exhaling oxygen.

Day dreaming is actually research for the next book.

Sunday is always one of those days when you don’t feel bad that it has arrived.

A friend comes over with a Ouija board.It spells out: Bourbon. Where’s the band?Just because you’re dead doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.

He glared at Mr. Diddley’s yellow-toothed smile, and thought how he’d like to shove a toothbrush in his mouth and teach him how to use it.

Live the message, don't just read about it and preach.

Unicorns are not real, though we still dream about them! DREAM ON!

Well we can't be having that. One person starts having fun and it turns into an epidemic. Difficult to stop that kind of thing, you know.

I don't always have thoughts, but when I do, they're deep.

What life is to humor, humor is to life.

It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye, " Ferbus said too loudly. "Then it's one-eyed fun.

Art has one purpose, that is to leave you changed. Love has one purpose, that is to create art.

Thinking over this thought, this whole thinking makes no sense.

If idiots could fly, the sky would be like an airport.

I look up in the sky, what do I see? Well blue.

Get out of here. Yoda so does not have an English accent!''Other than that you're saying I'm a dead ringer?''If the shoe fits.''Sheesh, I hate tall girls.

Fine, I'll teach you, ''Besides, there's only so many times a girl wants to fall on her butt in front of the boy she's out to impress.

He was obviously on the wrong side of crazy.

Have you ever been at a point that you don't know what to say? But yet you came up with this crazy idea to type this.

I don't know what she's thinking, but I'm thinking how fluid the border is between crazy and interesting, and how hard it is to decide who belongs where.

Writing is like talking to yourself, just in a way that makes it look like you're not crazy!

This supreme instance of Troy's goodness fell upon Gabriel's ears like the thirteenth stroke of a crazy clock.

The difference between your crazy and my crazy is that you don't think you're crazy.

Greetings, cybernuts! This is I.B. Nosey, your official unofficial reporter!

If a 6 foot tall talking Badger comes to your door with a great deal on health insurance, be certain to ask if it includes in-patient psychiatric care.

Quit analyzing me. My crazy needs no definition.

There really is no sense in pretending to be normal. Just be you because the moment you do, weirder things happen. Crazy comes back into fashion and every woman has to go out and find her some.

When you're out in the wilderness and get back to base camp only to discover sleeping bag turndown service….that's no chocolate on the pillow

Come Hell or High Water" usually depends on the kind of plug you use in the bath tub

If you know how to open doors with just a smile, you must need your teeth capped every six months

If it's the thought that counts, then ignorance must use a calculator

The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification

Don't you wish we all lived in black light.... for one thing, it would mean an end to toothpaste as we know it

Some people drip wax on themselves like a human chianti bottle to see if they feel anything….but getting a wicker basket to fit them is a fiasco

There were pecans, there were cashews and then there was just plain nuts.

I know supposedly God has anger, vengeance, and wrath, and if he doesn’t have a sense of humor I’m in big trouble!