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Roseanne Barr Quotes

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Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself."

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on."

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.




Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Excuse the mess but we live here."

Excuse the mess but we live here.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job."

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.




Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight."

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with."

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I call myself a 'domestic goddess."

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.




Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?"

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house."

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer."

A lot of times nerds are really artists listening to the beat of another drummer.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice NEVER attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head."

Patriarchy is a bully notion, which if you will notice NEVER attacks a nation that can defend itself. Zionism is patriarchal and sets Judaism on its head.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job."

I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.




Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them."

I consider myself to be a pretty good judge of people... that's why I don't like any of them.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to."

Adults in a free country should be able to smoke a joint if they want to.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun."

If you spend all your time worrying about dying, living isn't going to be much fun.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better."

There isn't a problem on this earth that a doughnut cannot make better.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Being nuts is its own reward."

Being nuts is its own reward.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers."

I used to want to be a movie star so I wouldn't have to live in trailers anymore. And now that I make movies, I spend a lot of my life living in trailers.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions."

I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error."

Most of the books call Her a He, but I am able to ascertain what is meant, despite that semantic error.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Comedy is the only hope for humanity."

Comedy is the only hope for humanity.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way."

I'm a heterosexual. I don't know why I'm like this. I was just born this way.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them."

I want to eat, cook, meet famous people and make fun of them.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact."

My husband and I didn't sign a pre-nuptial agreement. We signed a mutual suicide pact.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms."

My kids were completely out of control, while I was working fifteen hours a day plus weekends. I screamed a lot, something I'm not particularly proud of, but it was that or firearms.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are."

We never get sick of each other. That's how sick we are.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Women are cursed, and men are the proof."

Women are cursed, and men are the proof.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it."

It's okay to be fat. So you're fat. Just be fat and shut up about it.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner."

The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect."

There's a lot more to being a woman than being a mother, but there's a hell of a lot more to being a mother than most people suspect.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology."

I'm enjoying my life, post-menopause, so much. It's just so great to grow into yourself, and not be bothered with all that tyranny of biology.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time."

Everything here must be done twice as no one can do it right the first time.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine."

I'm just into spirituality. I believe that in a previous life I used to be Shirley MacLaine.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles."

Men read maps better than women because only men can understand the concept of an inch equaling a hundred miles.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'"

I'm fat and proud of it. If someone asks me how my diet is going, I say 'Fine - how was your lobotomy?'



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I know how to do anything, I'm a mom."

I know how to do anything, I'm a mom.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200."

I don't really want to hang out with politicians. I'd rather go straight to hell, and not collect $200.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians."

The real truth is, I just want to keep the voice of dissent alive in all of our elections. I don't really want to hang out with politicians.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I was completely nuts for most of my life."

I was completely nuts for most of my life.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids."

Birth control that really works - every night before we go to bed we spend an hour with our kids.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy."

I can't have cats around me because they try to steal my energy.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor."

Since I had my gastric bypass surgery in 1998, I eat like a bird. Unfortunately, that bird is a California condor.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa."

One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house."

Husbands are never happy. My husband asked me for more space, so I locked him out of the house.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most."

ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had."

My children love me. I'm like the mother they never had.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut."

A good man doesn't just happen. They have to be created by us women. A guy is a lump like this doughnut.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking."

'Winning' in Hollywood means not just power, money, and complimentary smoked-salmon pizza, but also that everyone around you fails just as you are peaking.



Roseanne Barr Quotes: "I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful."

I meditate so I know how to find a peaceful place within to be calm and peaceful.