I figure if the kids are alive at the end of the day, I've done my job.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

Unsatisfied parents produce professionally successful but personally discontent children.

No matter what her father wanted, no way was Clara going to partner up with Light Walker. He'd suggested a tarantula for a snack, for heaven's sake. The were never, ever, ever going to work together.

The Pharisees had an ethic of avoidance, and Jesus had an ethic of involvement.

Solemnity is the shield of idiots

And if I want to get involved in choosing sides, I usually pick hockey or football.

I think all true stories are hopeful stories. I don't think there's any room for nihilism.

I was lost, and that war [in Vietnam] was very alienating - not that I was against it or for it, but I was just lost after that war. As were many Americans.

If you love yourself, you will be surprised: others will love you. Nobody loves a person who does not love himself.

Above all, I will keep an open heart. As I move on the right path I will recieve great happiness as a reward without asking for anything in return.

When the doors of perception are cleansed, men will see things as they truly are, infinite.