I think that all comics or humorists, or whatever we are, ask questions. That's what we're supposed to do. But I not only ask the questions, I offer solutions.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

When a human awakens to a great dream and throws the full force of his soul over it, all the universe conspires in your favor.

Is it always like that?" I ask, breathless. “No, ” he says. “It's never like that.” I hear the wonder in his voice. And just like that, everything changes.

The library, with its Daedalian labyrinth, mysterious hush, and faintly ominous aroma of knowledge, has been replaced by the computer's cheap glow, pesky chirp, and data spillage.

Love me sweet With all thou art Feeling, thinking, seeing; Love me in the Lightest part, Love me in full Being.

Learn to respect this sacred moment of birth, as fragile, as fleeting, as elusive as dawn.

In the end, we all are who we are, no matter how much we may appear to have changed.

Anyone who wants to help me doesn't. Anyone who wants to kill me might. Anyone who wants to love me better not.

The way to choose happiness is to follow what is right and real and the truth for you.

You fail to overlook the crucial point.

There are certain things that we cannot understand, like why we pray five times a day, for example. But the fact that we choose to pray is understandable.