One of the first things I bought when I made 'Roseanne Show' money was a farm in Iowa.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it.

Women complain about PMS, but I think of it as the only time of the month when I can be myself.

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

Excuse the mess but we live here.

As a housewife, I feel that if the kids are still alive when my husband gets home from work, then hey, I've done my job.

Half the world's starving; the other half is trying to lose weight.

Women should try to increase their size rather than decrease it, because I believe the bigger we are, the more space we'll take up, and the more we'll have to be reckoned with.

I call myself a 'domestic goddess.

Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive?

I quit smoking. I feel better. I smell better. And it's safer to drink out of old beer cans laying around the house.

For most of us the prayer in Gethsemane is the only model. Removing mountains can wait.

Lead's erasing then vanishingBanished from whatever it is they're drinking and it's cleanedRunning from the pitcher as if it's her fantasy

Accept yourself for the person you are, for all the mistakes you did and also for the transformation you’re about to experience in the future. Love your future version from this moment.

Everyone likes a good quote - don't forget to share.

Painting is no problem. The problem is what to do when you're not painting.

I'm the most low-maintenance person on the road.

What workers must learn is that the only reason why wage rates are higher in the United States is that the per head quota of capital invested is higher.

You can't build a strong corporation with a lot of committees and a board that has to be consulted every turn. You have to be able to make decisions on your own.

I haven't been out of work since the day I took my pants off.

The crack of the bat, the sound of baseballs thumping into gloves, the infield chatter are like birdsong to the baseball starved.