Dane Cook Quotes
Drive, ego and cocksureness are all essential elements in terms of getting exactly what you want but losing everything you've got.
I feel like people who don't brag are trying to make you jealous by thinking they're hiding something more even exciting.
I miss dating only for that final moment you kiss goodnight, watch her get out of your car and run into the police station.
The problem with dating a model is they won't go out with you if your cars color doesn't match their outfit.
I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I work with a lot of kids.
I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and rivets.
It's hard to be happy for someone when you know deep down they'd kill you if they had the chance.
I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even that's why I wanted to do comedy.
I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.
Teach your kids to make deplorable choices and hopefully they'll rebel and make the right ones.
I can't watch a woman play with herself - to me, it looks like a DJ working the turntables... DJ Diddles.
When you get hit by a car sometimes your shoes will fly off, sometimes your pants will come off, but I was not fortunate enough to see the pants portion.
Nice teeth is a turn on for me. If you open your mouth and it looks like a battle of epic proportions, I don't like it.
I do think I am funny, or I wouldn't be where I am today. I do think there is always room for improvement and learning.
When I have a really hot date at a show, I definitely make it a point to use her name. The girls really love that.
They used to beat me up after Sunday School, I used to get beat up... yeah, that's a nice little thank you from Jesus.
I could take my time, and nobody was pressuring me to be a headliner. I could go up there, find my voice, and figure out what I wanted to do.
It's hard dealing with day to day disappointments and feeling like you can't find success. Especially when your best friend is Pixar.
When I'm wrong I'm like the Emperor on the Death Star thinking he'll turn Luke. Yet, when I'm right I'm a Jedi like my father before me.
I always wanted to do a B&E. Not bacon and eggs. Although I could always go for bacon and eggs. I'm talking about breaking in and entering.
There will be a guy in a yellow poncho, his name is Hank, he will take you to the whopper lair.
I'm fine, I am just going to go over here and puke shards of my own pelvis into this bush.
I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.
When you don't have love, it's like there's a party going on, and everybody was invited, except for you. And you just happened to be walking by that house in the rain...
When someone's running late through an airport, I hope they miss their flight so they can meet the love of their life at the duty free shop.
On stage I am the actor, director and the bouncer all at the same time. Fear does not exist in this dojo does it? No Sensi! Sorry when I get excited I have to toss in some Karate Kid quotes.
Every great thing starts with an idea, followed by a doubt and finally a resolve to abandon or pursue. Victory is a treacherous journey.
When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.
If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire them to work for you. Theyre very, very savvy in terms of how they find you and get to you.
