You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

Hot oil! We need hot oil!... Forget the water balloons!

I love my life not because it is full of perfect experiences, but because I solely owe myself unconditional self-love in abundance. So what would be your excuse not to love your life unconditionally?

I think that one of the most fundamental responsibilities is to give testimony in a court of law, to give it honestly and willingly.

Wrote a science fiction novel about a man who wins an argument with his wife, but it was rejected for being too farfetched.

There's no need to believe what an artist says. Believe what he does; that's what counts.

The mind is an evolved computer program.

As leopard feels at home with leopard.

The dust to which this flesh shall return, it is the ancient dreaming dust of God.

Your guardian angel loves you and you are precious to them - you are the most important person in the world to them and, they have to do everything they can for you.

Nobody should teach the black man in America to turn the other cheek, unless someone is teaching the white man in America to turn the other cheek.

I can't stand any music that requires its singers to be so dumb they wear their baseball caps backwards.