Hot oil! We need hot oil!... Forget the water balloons!

Every week when my batch of weekly cartoons would go to FedEx, it felt like a small miracle. Then in a few days, it's 'Here we go again.'

I don't believe in the concept of hell, but if I did I would think of it as filled with people who were cruel to animals.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry'.

You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.

The Bluebird of Happiness long absent from his life, Ned is visited by the Chicken of Depression.

It is a known fact that the sheep that give us steel wool have no natural enemies.

Great moments in science: Einstein discovers that time is actually money.

You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do.

The picture's pretty bleak, gentlemen... The world's climates are changing, the mammals are taking over, and we all have a brain about the size of a walnut.

The fuel light's on, Frank! We're all going to die! Wait, wait... Oh, my mistake - that's the intercom light.

The nation is in a death-struggle. It must either become one vast slaveocracy of petty tyrants, or wholly the land of the free.

I got to play on a couple of records with the Rolling Stones, and that was really special to me.

I think Mike Pence figured that best case scenario he is vice president and worst case scenario he can say he tried to rein Donald Trump in for the good of the party.

You can have, you can be, you can do whatever you want to do once you make the decision, so that would be my greatest piece of advice.

Injustice in this world is not something comparative; the wrong is deep, clear, and absolute in each private fate.

Jane Monheit is skyrocketing up the jazz charts. By next year, we won't be able to get her.

Your desire is your prayer.

You saw the traumas that people lived through, and wondered what it will take to move us as a human community, as humanity, to help in these dangerous situations.

I firmly believe today that the only way to stop violence against women is to speak out and refused to be silenced.

Every moment of life is precious and can never happen again and therefore is a reason to appreciate, be grateful for and celebrate the fact that you are alive.