You need to be funny in a way that people feel like you're trying to make a deeper connection. So that's what I try to do.

Death is the only thing keeping us in line.

Thank God there's somebody that doesn't like Stuart Scott. I'm so happy!. It was nice to have that counter-balance to ESPN.

I took time in the day to write as much of the book as I possibly could. I didn't write too much at night, because I don't like to - I'd rather watch TV.

I had to be happy with the process of writing.Each step you take is more rewarding than the one before.

You cannot hide from the world. It will find you. It always does. And now it has found me. My split second of immortality is over. All that's left now is the end, which is all any of us ever has.

For every hour a mother gets to herself, a father will demand five times that amount for drinking with friends and acting like an immature dipshit.

If you have a great characters, you can always have your character do nothing or do something stupid, and people will still follow them, because they're so real and so tangible.

I've hated cockroaches my entire life.Tweeting jokes about it helps me cope, in a way. I'm not as jumpy killing cave crickets as I used to be. I still jump plenty though.

I wanted to write a book that maybe had the potential to go beyond the Deadspin and KSK [Kissing Suzy Kolber] readership.

With toilet books, people don't review them that much. They don't really pay much attention to them. It's just like, "Oh, okay. I'll put this in your stocking."

The mirror is the worst judge of true beauty

Since you stand in the same bridge with him why don't you two just jump off.

I made over forty Westerns. I used to lie awake nights trying to think up new ways of getting on and off a horse.

I'm not saying that people have to listen to rock music. It's a great, cool thing and it can really be liberating for a lot of people but, hey, so can Charles Dickens so I'm not going to judge.

I worked eight hours a day just so I could get into the college of my dreams and say that I got in - and I never went.

I've always had way too much energy so I'm always looking for new things to do to channel that energy.

Through strife the slumbering soul awakes, We learn on error's troubled route The truths we could not prize without The sorrow of our sad mistakes.

Barnes & Noble CEO William Lynch just announced that he is stepping down after three years. When asked if he's looking for a new job, he was like, 'Nah, just browsing.'

In between your failure-tree And your triumph-tree, The tree that is growing Is known as your patience-tree.

I keep reviewing my feelings about the supernatural.