You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

it is, just a door.if you never knock, it may, never open.

The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.

Society is indeed a contract. ... It is a partnership in all science; a partnership in all art; a partnership in every virtue, and in all perfection.

I know of no better name than Anarchism.

You've got to stay focused without being boring - because all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Skinny, but dull.

With TV, the most important thing is just to get people to turn it on.

Edison failed 10,000 times before he made the electric light. Do not be discouraged if you fail a few times.

The more you expose, the less personal it becomes

I am mortified to be told that, in the United States of America, the sale of a book can become a subject of inquiry, and of criminal inquiry too.

The muddy rivers of spring Are snarling Under the muddy skies. The mind is muddy.