You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

O miracle—thus to be able to give [peace] we ourselves do not possess, sweet miracle of our empty hands!

I am falling in love with falling out of love

My wedding will be a great party where I can get drunk and have a good time.

Who is strong? He that can conquer his bad habits.

If fathers aren't growing up, I would challenge them to want to be a father that is present in the home, so that their kids have that identity.

Q: What's the difference between a tweaker and an elephant? A: The elephant will eat all your peanut butter.

Why do you think that at 67 I would start a career as a dictator?

There is nothing in nature that can't be taken as a sign of both mortality and invigoration.

Discipline enables you to think first and act second.