With humor, it's so subjective that trying to think of what the ideal reader would think would drive you crazy.

I never eat in a restaurant that's over a hundred feet off the ground and won't stand still.

Many Texas barbecue fanatics have a strong belief in the beneficial properties of accumulated grease.

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.

The shelf life of the average trade book is somewhere between milk and yogurt.

As far as I'm concerned, 'whom' is a word that was invented to make everyone sound like a butler.

Perhaps we've time to have a look at the Number Thirty-One bus queue before we turn in.

I'm in favor of liberalizing immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about everybody in except the English.

Every good idea sooner or later degenerates into hard work.

Did you know that five out of three people have trouble with fractions.

I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.

Its Batteries! I just know it!

Drink up my honey eyes, Kiss them shut every night, And be my 'one' all my life.

People in Slow Food understand that food is an environmental issue.

Development does not take place in Washington, DC. Development takes place in the rest of the world.

No man is the wiser for his learning; it may administer matter to work in, or objects to work upon; but wit and wisdom are born with a man.

Poverty is what we call the extremes at the bottom.

Suspect all of your favorite sentences.

Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.

Not one amongst the doctors, as you'll see For his own friends desires to prescribe.

For the longest time, I wanted to become a pianist. That was kinda my thing.