Who is the best the sportswriter who wore shorts? I keep trying to envision Grantland Rice or John Lardner in shorts. It never occurred to me to wear shorts. I'd look too silly to wear shorts.

If a caddie can help you, you don't know how to play golf.

A good one iron shot is about as easy to come by as an understanding wife.

Always keep in mind that if God didn't want a man to have mulligans, golf balls wouldn't come three to a sleeve.

I am among those who firmly believe that a round of golf should not take more than three and a half hours, four at most. Anything longer than that is not a round of golf, it's life in Albania.

The devoted golfer is an anguished soul who has learned a lot about putting, just as an avalanche victim has learned a lot about snow.

Laughter is the only thing that'll cut trouble down to a size where you can talk to it.

Only two things can stop Tiger — injury or a bad marriage.

Regardless of what the tour pros think, golf is a rich and varied game, and what all of us awkward fools do on weekends is what golf is truly all about.

Baseball would be a better game if more third basemen got hit in the mouth by line drivers.

Lonnie says it doesn't take long to write a song if you're stricken with a severe case of the Tennysons. He wasn't necessarily talking about a chart-climber.

What girls do to each other is beyond description. No Chinese torture comes close.

It will take faith, to know success can still be attained regardless of unfairness or disadvantages availed by any system you operate within.

To live unhappily, is failing life.

I love my kids so much. They teach me something every day. It always brings richness to my work, and even more in life. I feel lucky to be able to do both.

The systems they (the Arts) nourish, which include our integrated sensory, attentional, cognitive, emotional, and motor capacities, are, in fact, the driving forces behind all other learning.

The key to all enlightenment is to have personal experiences in the world of light. All you need to do that is to meditate.

the temperaments of children are often as oddly unsuited to parents as if capricious fairies had been filling cradles with changelings.

This is a rumour-filled society and if people want to sit around and talk about whom I've dated, then I'd say they have a lot of spare time and should consider other topics... or masturbation.

It is almost always a mistake to mention Abraham Lincoln. He always steals the show.

Spare no expense to save money on this one.