Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I'm a big believer in overcoming and achieving and doing things and not feeling sorry for yourself.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.

Liquor prohibition led to the rise of organized crime in America, and drug prohibition has led to the rise of the gang problems we have now.

The Best Deal Is The One Where Everyone Walks Away Happy!

I've raised millions of dollars for the vets. I'm helping the vets a lot.

I read in the paper that I'd slashed my wrists. But I didn't.

There are very few certainties that touch us all in this mortal experience, but one of the absolutes is that we will experience hardship and stress at some point.

Hockey is my favorite because I'm from Michigan. I used to figure-skate and root for the Red Wings.

There's nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

Not too many players try to bluff me. If there’s going to be bluffing or stealing going on, I’m going to be the one doing to it.

We no longer have a choice between violence and non-violence. The choice of today stands between nonviolence or non-existence.

That's what our Rules engage us to do, to help poor persons, our lords and masters.

I would put myself towards left of center.