When you're in young love your pulse pounds, your palms sweat, and there are butterflies in your stomach. It's like diarrhea for your heart.

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

I'll tell you what's better than watching the sunrise... Sleeping through it.

I dated a teacher in high school. Yeah, it didn't make me cooler. And a lot of you are like 'that's cause you were homeschooled'.

Girls say it's hard to find nice guys. It's actually really easy. It's just all nice guys are ugly.

The flat-brimmed cap is the modern day dunce cap.

They say money doesn't buy happiness. That phrase should end with 'just kidding'.

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

I do think we can be a little less PC when it comes to sports, though. Just once I want to hear an announcer go 'God, black people are fast. Holy cow! All of them. They're fast. Back to you Bob.'

But we do not merely protest

Sunday morning church service is not an enormous priority spending time with other believers is.

You've got to be fine with who you are.

Revenge is for the weak so I have settled my vendettas with all of the kids who made my early life a living hell.

There are 2 rules in life: Number 1- Never quit Number2- Never forget rule number 1.

He had to keep thinking of them because if he forgot them and did not think of them they might forget about him. And he had to keep hoping.

I met Will Smith twice. I didn't talk to him for too long but I was trying to let him know that my age group grew up watching him - he was the coolest guy on television and the coolest guy in movies.

Its so fascinating to think about how each snowflake is completely individual - there are millions and millions of them, but each one is so unique.

Once I decided football was the way for me, there was no looking back. Nothing was going to distract me.