When the history of guilt is written, parents who refuse their children money will be right up there in the Top Ten.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Where there is use of the buddhi [intellect], there is no Moksha [Liberation], and where there is Moksha, there the intellect is not needed. Samaj [Understanding] is needed.

Environmental cleanliness begins with individual desire to be clean.

I want to know what God thinks. The rest are details.

Sometimes you may make an announcement about an investigation and then you turn out not to do anything about it, but nonetheless it adversely affects someone's life.

People see me and they squeal like tropical birds or seals stranded on the beach.

To undo a mistake is always harder than not to create one originally but we seldom have the foresight. Therefore we have no choice but to try to correct our past mistakes.

Praise and glory to God for whom nothing is too hard

And yet, those who speak loudly and call anyone who disagrees with them a wimp often do a disservice to the cause they are promoting.

Some things you don't need until they leave you, they're the things that you miss.

How can women be as thin as we are? We have personal trainers to work us out. We have specially prepared meals.