When a comic becomes enamored with his own views and foists them off on the public in a polemic way, he loses not only his sense of humor but his value as a humorist.

Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Democracy is buying a big house you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you wish were dead.

Some sad news from Australia... the inventor of the boomerang grenade died today.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whiskey, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

If variety is the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam.

Never ask your wife if she still hears from her old pimp.

In the future, as in the present, as in the past, black people will build many new worlds.This is true. I will make it so. And you will help me.

Greatness is one of the sensations of littleness

The For-itself, in fact, is nothing but the pure nihilation of the In-itself; it is like a hole of being at the heart of Being.

Every actor wants to know in different ways. Some like to know everything. Some don't want to know anything. I think I land somewhere in the middle.

The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed.

But, if there ever was a time in history when "peace" meant that there was no fighting going on, I have been unable to find out about it.

The police are the public and the public are the police.

Your positions on EVERYTHING are based on the story you tell yourself and not some universal fact from the universal fact database.

"I do not want to get material life, do not want the sense-life, but something higher." That is renunciation. Then, by the power of meditation, undo the mischief that has been done.

No! I don't feel any pressure right now!