To die famous is the goal of the immortal. To die young is the goal of the healthy. To die memorably is the goal of the survivor.

Alphabet: a symbolic system used in algebra, with applications that have yet to be discovered by dyslexics and two thirds of college graduates.

The idealist hopes. The romantic sees doom. The postmodernist sees doom and hopes.

The lampshade on my head is for my bright ideas. I won't be able to convey them until Monday, when my curtain gets out of the dry cleaners.

Pure joy is rare. That’s why for every meal I eat a really bloody steak.

Mom always said I was born to sit in the electric chair, but I'm proving her wrong. I'm going to die on my knees, begging for my life.

I bet there are a lot of women out there who want to sleep with a guy who reads. And being the head of the reading foundation, I’m very well endowed.

I love working with my hands. My writing is rough, my paper bruised with ink stains.

Night clubs are where Americans learn the laws of motion.

Education: learning to find your purpose. Upon finding your purpose: what did I learn?

If all women revealed their age, men would have nothing to hide from each other.

The shame of living extends its tentacles around my dreams.

Hypocrites do the devil's drudgery in Christ's livery.

I will go around the space shuttle and give a guided tour of the major areas and describe what is done in each area. This will be called The Ultimate Field Trip.

Comedy, I imagine, is harder to do consistently than tragedy, but I like it spiced in the wine of sadness.

[ Zionists] dominate the Banking institutions of America and they are the biggest contributors in politics.

I would love to see as many of the black players as possible in today's Major League Baseball make every effort to go to the Negro Leagues Museum and get a first-hand view of how it all started.

Like fresh milk a bad deed does not turn at once. It follows a fool scorching him like a smouldering fire.

I believe that the people of Israel are the chosen people of God.

I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown?

I discovered that running actually gave me both physical and mental clarity. I love it.