Titleist has offered me a big contract not to play its balls.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

To gaze into another persons face is to do two things: to recognise their humanity and to assert your own.

Don't go downhill just because it's easy. The view is only visible from the top.

Do not trust a person who never fails. Failure is the incubator for character development.

Hannah's magic cure for every ill, " he teased. "Blueberry cake and a kitten.

I am the State.

I think you would like Warren. He drinks Courvoisier in a Coke can, and has a laugh like you'd find in a cartoon bubble.

Funny the way it is, not right or wrong, somebody's heart is broken, and it becomes your favorite song.

I do own CDs by Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, and Joni Mitchell, but I don't think of them as being major influences on my writing.

Your joy can fill you only as deeply as your sorrow has carved you.

I sold my apartment this year. It's like, Wow, this is where the arts are now.