There was a flight from Cleveland to New York City with just two people on board. There hasn't been two people on an airplane since the Wright brothers.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

I am not that afraid to lose believers, I am afraid not to win the unbelievers.

...to forget you..this girl can never do....

I'm a mom first. That's all I really care about - being a good mom and a good wife. The writing always comes second for me.

Sure my career means a hell of a lot, but it will never come before Sandy and my son.

Marriage is a strange combination of dream and reality, and we spend our lives as couples trying to negotiate that divide.

I think private ownership is generally superior to public because you care about the land more and it doesnt get trashed.

We must live a holy life if we want to pray.

Language does not stand still. Surprisingly, despite this knowledge, most speakers are fearful of change.

That which oppresses me, is it my soul trying to come out in the open, or the soul of the world knocking at my heart for entrance?

Gathering of the Vibes is a gathering of the elders, a gathering of the youth, a gathering of family