There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

To reach something good it is very useful to have gone astray, and thus acquire experience.

There's only so much you can teach a person until you reach the limits of his capabilities.

True enlightenment is nothing but the nature of one's own self being fully realized.

People fascinate me. Consciously or unconsciously, I have been studying their behavior all my life.

A little tomato who knows her onions can go out with an old potato and come home with a lot of lettuce and a couple of carats.

Cézanne made a cylinder out of a bottle. I start from the cylinder to create a special kind of individual object. I make a bottle a particular bottle out of a cylinder.

I was really awful at auditions. There's something about sitting down and saying into the camera: "I'm Nina and this is the name of my agent." That makes me just die inside.

All art is a memory of age-old things, dark things, whose fragments live on in the artist.

You can achieve anything in politics provided that you let someone else take the credit.