There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

For those he has ignored, he allows them this. He allows them God, their only ally. Places to worship, but no one to teach.

Piracy is the new radio.

A man after his own heart.

Laugh represents a fragile glory of the mankind in this cruel and uncertain universe!

Its very difficult to determine whether this is the fault of the world that has abandoned the Church, or the Church that does not know how to relate to the world.

Safety is a fence, and fences are for sheep. I would rather die at twenty-two, knowing the truth, then live in a cage of lies for a hundred years.

Prayer is a ritual! But at the root of prayer is the idea of complete bowing down in submission to the Will of God.

Well, when I was 13, for my bar mitzvah I received my first typewriter. And that was special.

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.

The best sketch shows are from a group of tight-knit people whove worked together for a really long time.