The word impossible is peculiar because if you examine it closely, you'll find that most of it is possible.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

The dark skies of despair are no match for the bright skies of hope.

To know a man’s secrets is to discover his weakness, and thus control his will

Wit and puns aren't just décor in the mind; they're essential signs that the mind knows it's on, recognizes its own software, can spot the bugs in its own program.

What I do best is share my enthusiasm.

Because we love something else more than this world, we love even this world more than those who know no other.

I scientifically engineer my music to be as accessible as possible.

There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home.

As a director, I wouldn't like me as an actor. As an actor, I wouldn't like me as a director.

The greatest propaganda coup of the American right has been to convince its citizens that we are in the grip of a liberal conspiracy.

I had trouble hanging around [Shelley Long] until we stood onstage together, and then I was in heaven.