The time is comin' whin not more thin hath iv us'll be rale an' th' rest'll be rubber (plastic!)

Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

A man's idea in a game of cards is war, cruel, devastating, and pitiless. A lady's idea of it is a combination of larceny, embezzlement and burglary.

A fanatic is a man that does what he thinks the Lord would do if He knew the facts of the case.

The past always looks better than it was; it's only pleasant because it isn't here.

Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.

That is, no matther whether th' constitution follows th' flag or not, th' supreme coort follows th' iliction returns.

What is instinct? It is the natural tendency in one when filled with dismay to turn to his wife.

An appeal is when you ask one court to show its contempt for another court.

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

I niver knew a pollytician to go wrong ontil he's been contaminated by contact with a business man.

Bells ringing with no soundLaughter with no voiceHappiness lost without being foundMaking love with no noise

I don't need the most beautiful woman in the world I just need a woman who makes my world beautiful

who cares about all the problems and barriers, nothing matters but the Spectacular Now.

Some people feel like they don't deserve love so they walk quietly into the empty spaces.

I personally feel I still have so much to learn as a writer; each novel is better than the one before, just because I'm getting better at it.

Marriage is the dark side of the honeymoon

Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.

Pertussis is a disease that adolescents and adults give to children.

You are your own best friend. Never ever, put yourself down.

Some touch of Nature's genial glow.