The senator got so tired on the campaign trail that he started kissing hands and shaking babies.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Anger precedes hate, while love vicariously hangs in the balance.

On a sunny Tuesday - for it seems so many awful things happen on a Tuesday - six astronauts and one schoolteacher attempted to pierce the sky. Instead they touched the stars.

He made me feel wanted - good about myself, even. Like he immediately accepted me for me, no questions asked.

You can just stay in oblivion, going through your days and your life and your experiences, staying with your friends, family. If that suits you, it's good. But for some people, it's not enough.

The leftist drive for control is insatiable.

I came to politics later in life so I bring a different life experience to it.

All my life, I've been trying to make a hole-in-one. The closest I've come is a bogey.

collections are amusing only in the making; afterwards they are like sporting prints without the sport. The sons of collectors inherit only the corpse of their fathers' satisfied passion.

The square is to us what the cross was to the early Christians.

Learning how to learn is life's most important skill.