The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

What do you call a rifle with three barrels?A trifle.

It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily. "So it is." "And freezing." "Is it?" "Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately.

You speak of beginning the education of your son. The moment he was able to form an idea his education was already begun. . . .

Alas, I know if I ever became truly humble, I would be proud of it.

Not to sound egotistic, but I've gotten kind of good at it. It's something that came naturally to me, but my rapping is rooted in my writing.

Sold my soul to the devil / for nice penmanship. / Now I write real pretty / but I'm starting to regret it.

A woman should be able to kiss a man beautifully and romantically without any desire to be either his wife or his mistress.

It is important to recognize the limited ability of the legal system to prescribe and enforce the quality of social arrangements.

There's nothing better than a world where everybody's just trying to make each other laugh.

This capacity to go beyond the factors of conditioning is one of the obvious advantages of the human person.