Whenever she uses the phrase 'I was thinking...,' that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.

What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!

I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.

Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, 'How's it going with that girl?' 'One day at a time, man.'

The only marriage I've observed for any length of time is my parents - 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, 'Pop, 35 years - what do you hope for?' He's like, 'I hope you die first.'

I love that magazine, man - Victoria's Secret - and it comes, like, every three hours.

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'

Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you're happy, you let us touch you.

I love to believe that there's one god but there's many different religions so there's just the question of which long distance company you pick.

Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: 'Swear to God, man - the hooker gave the money back.'

If you've ever been hungry, you can never be full.

When you stop having dreams and ideals - well, you might as well stop altogether.

And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding.

Create your own tomorrows with your thoughts and actions - today.

Then I went home to continue my life, which had changed a little, as lives do every day, inching by microspecks forward toward whatever surprises are coming next.

One of the reasons that I am in favor of less government is because when you have more government, industrialists take it over.

One form of loneliness is to have a memory and no one to share it with.

I was very involved with school by the time I was 15 and wasn't working much as a model

Progress! Progress through everybody dying and their kids eventually not caring who their parents hated!

Critical lice are like body lice, which desert corpses to seek the living.