The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show... Cops would come by - often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.

There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets?

If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.

I don't see the future as bright, language-wise. I see it as a glass half empty - and evaporating quickly.

I eat at this German-Chinese restaurant and the food is delicious. The only problem is that an hour later you're hungry for power.

I don't feel old. I feel like a young man that has something wrong with him.

Obviously those who burn to be professional jesters mean that they want to be successful comedians. And those are always an elite, microscopic portion of the population. But oh, how they try.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew's and Albert Einstein's.

Hope is oxygen to the soul, and God is the oxygen of hope.

From that moment our love became sad, and sadness is a disease which gives the death-blow to affection.

No act of kindness deserves a debt in return.

Have you got stuck in a period of time where you loved or you were loved once? Come back to the present time, because present time is the only time you can do something real about your fate!

A full Belly brings forth every Evil.

People who mind don't matter. But people who matter don't mind.

I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror.

Judges are not members of Congress, they're not state legislators, governors, nor presidents. Their job is not to pass laws, implement regulations, nor to make policy.

I want to write stories that don't help you escape life, but embrace life.

That six or seven hours you have to be in bed with your eyes closed. What a waste!