Steal five dollars and you're a common thief. Steal thousands and you're either the government or a hero.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

My love is meatloaf flavored. I just wish my meatloaf was also meatloaf flavored.

Leaders find a need and quickly respond to the need.

Tradition is a fragile thing in a culture built entirely on the memories of the elders.

I'm not a big turkey fan, but my husband loves it. Thanksgiving is his favorite meal.

The only real game, I think, in the world is baseball.

Love everybody. If they do you wrong or they brush you the wrong way it's OK, you don't have to hold on to that, you can still love them from afar; you don't have to really deal with them.

By the time I entered college, I had decided not to have children, a decision that was never regretted. Accordingly, I was careful to court only girls who wanted to have professional careers.

When you learn how much bycatch comes from shrimp [and how destructive it is] - I'm not going to eat shrimp anymore.

The great majority of men grow up and grow old in seeming and following.

A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame.