Some men mistake generosity for charity: these flatter themselves that they are giving gratuitously, whilst they are merely rewarding secret services offered their vanity.

They say that if you're afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you're actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I'm afraid of dogs.

I don't know the difference between a hippie and a hipster but, it's fun to watch either one of them get beat up.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there's always beer.

When I hear a guy lost a battle to cancer, that really did bother me, that that's a term. It implies that he failed and that somebody else that defeated cancer is heroic and courageous.

I'm thankful for women. I think women are more intelligent than men. Also, without women, there would be no cookies.

You know, with Hitler, the more I learn about that guy, the more I don't care for him.

You ever see 'The Dating Game'? That's a weird game show. The prize on that show: another contestant. Talk about cheap.

The first principle of solid wisdom is discretion, without it all the erudition of life is merely bagatelle.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

Isn’t reality based on the prevailing culture, the trend that people want to identify with?

What's pretty important, and least was for me, (related an exceptionally good pinch-hitter on the pressures involved with failing with so much at stake) you can't be afraid to enjoy the moment.

Our problem is that when you lose the touchstone, which is humanity, then when you have something like humans dying, it needs to feel profound.

I played tournament chess from fifth grade up into high school.

Nothing can lift the heart of man like manhood in a fellow man.

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

I would love to embody the attitude of Iggy Pop or Keith Richards: a ballsy mentality. Stylistically, I love Vivienne Westwood - those capes! I'm obsessed.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

Isn't art about breaking rules, about challenging existing systems, isn't it about discovering meaning in things or situations before others see anything in them??

The Left loves the poor so much it creates more of them every time it gets into power.