Funny Christmas Quotes

Funny Christmas Quote of the day

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

For Christmas one year I bought my son a BB gun. He bought me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on the back.

Xmas Trivia: Before it became a major shopping holiday, Christmas is believed to have had a "religious" meaning.

I have had a holiday, and I'd like to take it up professionally.

Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.

That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.

Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.

As long as you're remembering baby Jesus, does it matter when you're remembering him. That's what I'm saying about Christmas, I might not be in the mood for it December 25th.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.

No self-respecting mother would run out of intimidations on the eve of a major holiday.

What's in that pipe that he's smoking?

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Last Christmas someone stole my present. I've spent this year living in the past.

All New Years is to me is for taking down your dumb Christmas decorations. People who put up Christmas decorations, all they're saying is, 'Hey, we're not Jews.'