Some entertainers don't pay attention to what's going on around them.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

They were so strong in their beliefs that there came a time when it hardly mattered what exactly those beliefs were they all fused into a single stubbornness.

People who are in power make their arrangements in secret, largely as a way of maintaining and furthering that power.

I understand that finance can be very complex.

The absolute pacifist is a bad citizen; times come when force must be used to uphold right, justice and ideals.

I feel very confident with the way I look. But I felt just as confident the way I looked before. I've always been confident with who I am.

I love to beatbox and have been doing it before I even knew what it was.

In the 80's we had high, high, waisted pants, that if they came up any higher they'd have to go up another size, if you know what I mean.

All of comedy at some level is trial-and-error, whether it's a stand-up trying out jokes or a comedy show trying stories.

Every successful person in life began by pursuing a passion, usually against all odds.