She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

There are no environments where you're only going to win, because life just isn't like that.

Fate is not satisfied with inflicting one calamity.

Thou hast shown thy people hard things: thou hast made us to drink the wine of astonishment.

The oldOld winds that blewWhen chaos was, what doThey tell the clattered trees that IShould weep?

Mythology can be defined as the sacred history of humankind.

Not everybody who has a vision is a leader, but every leader has a vision.

I have noticed that there is no dissatisfaction like that of the rich. Feed a man, clothe him, put him in a good house, and he will die of despair.

I want to know about what makes an athlete tick.

If you do not transform your pain, you will always transmit it.

When two friends understand each other totally, the words are soft and strong like an orchid's perfume.