She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

My love life is like a piece of Swiss cheese; most of it's missing, and what's there stinks.

My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

We don't apologize for a joke. We are comics. We are here to make you laugh. If you don't get it, then don't watch us.

I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

I wish I could tell you it gets better. It doesn't get better. YOU get better.

I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'

Walking thru this graveyard, I realize times were never really hard. We live, we love, we let it go. The world ain't changed me at all.

Be nice to yourself... It's hard to be happy when someone is mean to you all the time.

Don't fight the trail, take what it gives you. If you have a choice between one step or two between rocks, take three.

We tried to be as ready and solid as we could be, ... Filmmaking is always some form of chaos, and to what extent you're able to harness the chaos.

What would the Living One have me do?

When we let God be God and work through us, we experience both a sense of serenity and excitement.

My fitness routine includes things that are not stressful on my body - swimming, yoga, stretching, and rebounding.

Poor Capablanca! Thou wert a brilliant technician, but no philosopher. Thou wert not capable of believing that in chess, another style could be victorious than the absolutely correct one.

Ignore your mistakes. The number one thing to worry about is -Am I doing what I'm good at?

The purpose of psychotherapy is to set people free.