Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

I couldn’t help wondering what it was that made me not good enough. It was a familiar feeling. I’d had it off and on my entire life.

Old age ain't no place for sissies.

There is no contradiction between true religion and science

I wonder where a guy, an everyday Joe like myself can find a little action.

Today, much of journalism and politics are in a kind of collusion to oversimplify and personalize issues. No room for ambivalence. Plenty of room for the personal attack.

When you’re young, whatever you do that makes you stand out is a frightening thing. You learn later that that’s what you want to do, stand out.

Perhaps I am old-fashioned, but black and white films still hold an affectionate place in my heart; they have an incomparable mystique and mood.

I never look at a high point in my career. Everyone thinks about the Spinks fight, but that fight only lasted 91 seconds, so it's hard to say it defined my career.

Democracy is not an instant coffee.

A girl without braids is like a mountain without waterfalls.