Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

A man goes to the doctor for a check, and the doctor exams him and says I've got bad news, you've got cancer and alzheimers. The man goes Thank god I don't have cancer.

I was talking to Jesus, and I said, Jesus, I feel like no one will ever accept me. And Jesus looked at me and said, You know what my theory is? Accept me or go to hell.

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.

When you watch Robin Williams, you can see a lot of Jonathan Winters. Robin is the first one to admit that; he worshiped Jonathan Winters.

Every time I give a straight answer and read it in a magazine, I say, 'Ouch.' One day I'd like to talk to a psychoanalyst about why celebrities reveal so much of themselves in interviews.

Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either.

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

I'm one of those people that picks up the remote control and just keep hitting constantly, even if I like the show I'm watching.

If a man who can’t count finds a four leaf clover, is he lucky?

Keep up your faith to go high and fly, even after so many pains and sorrow. You can turn from a caterpillar to a butterfly. Life gives you a second change: a call to grow.

I like the religion that teaches liberty, equality and fraternity.

All knowledge which ends in words will die as quickly as it came to life, with the exception of the written word: which is its mechanical part.

I'm vegan on home base, but when I travel to other countries, I throw it all into the garbage.

Christians and Muslims can still get along. On issues such as global warming and helping the poor.

If any religion had a chance of ruling over England, nay Europe within the next hundred years, it could be Islam.

I came up from a difficult background.

The first thing I have to do to erase my French accent is think that it is actually possible, whereas for the moment, I think it's not. I have a lot of work.

The best way to get husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they are too old to do it.